Gossip Girl - 101 - Pilot Recap

Hey hey hey Upper East Sider's, Katrina here giving you the deets that is everything Gossip! Stationed in New York, Manhattan, we're shown quick clips of the U.E.S.  As the train rolls through, we're introduced to a depressed looking blonde. What's her story? As the blonde girl walks through Grand Central Station, a mysterious voice over graces our earbuds, earphones, or whatever we're using to listen to this episodic dialogue. 

Gossip Girl: Hey Upper East Sider's, Gossip Girl here, and I have the biggest news ever. One of my many sources, Melanie91, sends us this...

~Spotted @ Grand Central~

Bags in hand, Serena Van Der Woodsen. Was it only a year ago our It Girl mysteriously disappeared from quote, "Boarding School"? And just as suddenly, she's back. Don't believe me? See for yourselves. Lucky for us, Melanie91 sent proof. Thanks for the photo, Mel. 

xoxo - Gossip Girl

As the episode continues, we're introduced to the Humphrey family. What's left of them, anyways. Mr. Humphrey's children, I hear they're from Brooklyn...ick!, is home again from visiting their mother. 

More continuing, we're obviously told their was a messy break up involved or Mr. and Mrs. Humphrey. What happened, I wonder? As the family from Brooklyn leaves, Lonely Boy spots his one true love.

~Spotted~

Lonely Boy. Can't believe the love of his life has returned. If only she knew who he was. But everyone knows Serena, and everyone is talking. Wonder what Blair Waldorf thinks? Sure they're both BFF's, but we always thought Blair's boyfriend, Nate, had a thing for Serena. 

After Blair reads Gossip Girl's Spotted post, she hurries off in search of her said boyfriend, Nate. She's interrupted by her mother, New York Fashion Designer, Eleanor Waldorf. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Nathaniel Archibald and his father the Captain. Captain of what, I'm not too sure, but we'll find out soon enough. It seems Daddy Archibald has his son's college future all planned out, but this isn't going well with Nate. Apparently he just has to attend Dartmouth since it's well... I don't know... aligned in the stars or whatever they say these days. Thank God for Blair for saving her BF in the knick of time. Nice one, B. 

Gossip Girl: Better lock it down with Nate, B. Clock's ticking. 

It seems with Serena back in the city, Blair feels threatened Nate's going to ditch her and go back with the blonde little vixen. She proceeds to seduce Nate, who's clearly not in the mood. Back at the party, Chuck's two ladies receives Gossip Girl's blast finding out Serena is finally back in town. Welcome back, S. You've been missed. 

While B is continuing to show Nate how much she loves him, S gets out of her limo and enters the building. But is it the building we're all thinking? Of course it is! Serena runs into Blair's mother who interrupts  B and N's little sexual escapades. S is back in town? Nate sure thinks this is a great thing. In fact, he'd rather ditch sex with Blair to go greet the blonde vixen herself. Serena ends up running into her mother, Lily, who is excited for her daughter's return. Serena brings a touchy subject up, which Lily immediately shuts down. What's their little secret? Who are they hiding? I'm sure Gossip Girl would love to get the deets. Just as Nate comes out to the party and sees his true lover, S, B herself comes out and spots her bestie. The two best friends hugs it out and announces dinner is ready, but S decides to ditch the party. All under ninety seconds. 

Heading to an unknown destination, S walks over to a bedroom, but she's stopped by the nurse. But don't worry, Readers, she's family to the person occupying said bedroom. 

Word has it, S bailed on B's party in under ninety seconds, and didn't even have one limoncello. Has the bad girl really gone good?! Or is all part of the act? Why she'd leave? Why did she return? Send me the deets. And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell, the only one. 

xoxo - Gossip Girl

~

Wakey wakey Blondie, it looks like S. stayed the night at the Ostroff Center to keep her little bro company. E and S goes into conversation and S pretty much admits she's a sucky ass sister. Well no shit. But it's whatevz because E basically doesn't care since he's all cooped up in some weird ass creepy place. What IS that place, you may ask? We'll find out soon, but not now. Yeah, I know, it sucks.

After S invites her mother to breakfast with her and E, Lily makes up some excuse to just get Eric something to eat down the street and take it back to him. This sparks rage in S and she immediately confronts her mother accusing her of telling everyone E is staying at Grandpa Van Der Woodsen's in Rhode Island. She's kinda close anyways because Lily told everyone he was at Florida with her sister Carol instead. Ha ha, guess Lily isn't going to be winning the Mother of the Year Award. She basically clobbers S with guilt because Serena just doesn't understand what it's been like at home. Oh boo hoo boo hoo go give me a fuckin' hankey, Lily.

Across the ways in Brooklyn(ugh), Lil J is making invitations to a party. Oooh, a party! I like parties!  Apparently it's cool and hip to be part of the Top 10 Forgotten Bands of the 90's. Oh Mr, Humphrey, please quit trying to be popular when you're not? So basically Lil Jenny Humphrey is a Wanna-Be popular girl who got soooo excited to be invited to the Kiss on the Lips party. To be fair, she wasn't even technically invited. The only reason she got an invite was because she has good calligraphy. So congrats Lil J, you got invited out of labor. Applauds for J. Jenny and Mr. Humphrey gets into a battle about how she's such a loser and Mr. H just accepts it blah blah blah, needless to say he crumbled with the guilt trip and Jenny's allowed to go to the party. Whoohoo.  

We're back on the streets with S who arrives home at the Palace. And who just happens to be sulking around in his light brown scarf, perfect hair, gorgeous eyes and lips? Why it's Nathaniel, N, Archibald of course! While N tries to get into S's pants right there out on the courtyard, S lays down the law! N is B's boyfriend and S is her bestie, so S will not be getting into N's pants anytime soon. Isn't friendship grand, Readers?

If being late for school wasn't bad enough, it is pretty bad when it comes to Lonely Boy. Word on the street has it that LB ran til his heart stopped just to get to the bus. For some unknown godly fucking reason Chuck Bass and Nathaniel Archibald is on the bus too. What happened to the Limo, guys? Did the two get busted with meth and got grounded by Daddy Bass and Mommy and Daddy Archibald? Or was there no point in this little part at all and they just went for the ride for kicks? It's no worries you guys, because Chuck makes his first encounter with Lonely Boy. LOL, he asked LB if he was following the two rich boys and LB gives this sarcastic answer back. "Identical uniforms, Chuckster, wanna have lunch with me on the Met?" LMFAO! 

It's funny the Met steps were mentioned(by me, of course) because that's where our next scene is. Little Jenny Humphrey delivers all her invites to B. Waldorf. The girls are giggling frantically and compliments on Jenny's work. Blair gives Lil J a tight smile and gives Jenny her own Guilt Invitation. That's when S joins the crowd and spots one of the invites on the Met Steps. Asking about the party, S is given a look by B who tells her the party is for invited guests only and S was clearly not invited. Well it makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, it wasn't until twelve hours ago S was still at "Boarding School". Blair and her friends gets up to leave, but S is not going down without a fight. She invites B out that night at seven o'clock and she refuses to let B say no.

SPOTTED!

An S and B power struggle. Did S really think she can just waltz home and things could be what they once were? Did B think S would go down without a fight? Or can these two hotties work it out? There's nothing more Gossip Girl doesn't like more than a cat fight, and this could be a classic.

**

We're back in Brooklyn where Mr. Humpty-Dumpty...I mean... Humphrey... and he's busy stapling posters all around the city. Lonely Boy(what the hell is his name?!) informs his father there's this thing called MySpace where he can have his own blog and talk about all the good things about his music. The father/son bonding doesn't last for long because Lonely Boy's sister Lil J texts him saying she just NEEDS his help and it's an EMERGENCY!! When he goes to leave, Mr. Humphrey falls back into his depressed state by saying his wife was going to come back to him and all that good stuff... Yeah don't hold your breath Mr. Humphrey.

RED ALERT, RED ALERT! KIDNAPPING IN PROGRESS!

No, I'm just kidding. S comes into E's room and announces she's taking him shopping before their mother could come back and torture Eric some more. Since S had a bad day via going up against Blair on the Met, S is taking E out to shopping at Bendel's. Which is of course where Lonely Boy is. Hurrying upstairs, he see's Lil J with a dress and immediately asks what the problem is. Turns out Lil J's emergency was a fashion emergency and now Don thinks... I mean Darryl thinks... no, I think it was David... oh who the fuck cares?! Lonely Boy thinks he wasted his entire time hurrying to the store for nothing. Suddenly Lil J spots the love of her brother's life: Serena Van Der Woodsen accompanied by her little brother and personal shopper, Eric. Here's where Little J slips up. She made an invite for S to the Kiss on the Lips party but makes S swear not to tell anyone she made it for her...Um the invites looks the same, Lil J, you're not fooling anybody! I mean seriously. Of course no one can part ways until S gives Lil J fashion advice to turn the dress from red to black. Next scene please!

At the park Chuck and Nate discussing having sex for the first time ever, and how N should be happy about it. Why so depressed, N? You're practically getting everything you could ever ask for! Ugh, does anyone else agree that N should just shut the fuck up and crawl in a hole? I swear he's the one teenager on the U.E.S. who's so confused about his feelings. God. Just listen to Chuck and seal the deal with B, Nate. It's okay!

At the Palace bar, B and S are catching up on old times. Blair informs S that Eleanor Waldorf lost fifteen pounds and even got an eye lift after the divorce. Apparently S left everyone behind her without an inch of words and went to Boarding School. In Connecticut. Wow, good on, S. Leave without saying goodbyes to Blair? Serena wants to fix their relationship up and go back to the old times, and we're left to wonder: Is it even worth it? It seems that S actually came to terms with B by talking up all this sisterly bonding crap. With a smile on her rosy lips, Blair begins to tell Serena all that she's missed. Classic Eleanor Waldorf meltdowns, to be exact.

Blair: If it wasn't such a tragedy, it would have been funny. Actually, it kinda was.

Aww, these girls. Will they really bond again and become the BFF's they once were? After the girls hugs and part ways, S turns to the bar and see's Blair's unfinished martini and olive.

SPOTTED AT THE PALACE HOTEL!

S and B having a Heart-to-Heart. Hmm, why so thirsty, S? You may have won over B for now, but we still think you're hiding something.

**

Back in Brooklyn, the Humphrey siblings are talking about Lonely Boy's love obsession for Serena. Basically two years ago, Lonely Boy attended a party and Serena was the only one who said hello to him. That was the moment he had fallen in love her and blah blah blah. Lil J informs that Serena is somewhere and Lonely Boy hops to it like a loving sick puppy he is.

In the meanwhile, Chuck Bass sights a Serena at the bar getting drunk off martini's. Chuck sexually threatens Serena that he'll get his parents they're serving minor's at the Hotel and Serena makes a comeback saying they're also serving pigs with Chuck gets a drink. Oh these two, they were born to be... well... never mind, let's just move on.

As we get to the climax of the episode, we're back with B and N where B is planning to sexually seduce Nate to finally seal the deal forever. Her advances don't seem to work however and Nate just needs to confess his sins to Blair. Something he should have told her years ago.

Back at the Hotel, Chuck is planning something devious and pays the chef to close the kitchen early. Serena is basically shoving the grilled cheese in her drunk ass face when Chuck comes over to try to seduce Serena. When S denies C's advances, Chuck courageously asks if Nate will get his feelings hurt. Confusion met, Serena asks what the fuck Chuck's talking about and he reveals he knows everything. Chuck reveals he knows the truth about Serena and Nate who had a sexual encounter at the Shepard Wedding. While N was dating B, S and N got together and made out like wild fucking animals. Oh dear, dear.

With three scenes jumping back and forth we learn that Nate and Serena had sex on a bar, Serena kicked Chuck in the gut to avoid his attempt at having sex with her, and Blair's heart is forever broken because Nate decided to finally come clean about what happened at the Shepard wedding. This is when Lonely Boy shows up at the Hotel and bumps into S making her drop all her things. Too bad she forgot her phone which just so happens to be picked up by Lonely Boy. What a classic rendition of Cinderella. Lmfao...

Gossip Girl: And just when B and S had built a bridge, it all had to come crashing down. But dry your eyes, the Kiss on the Lips party is around the corner and you know who loves a good party? Gossip Girl.

**

The next morning, the Archibald men shares a run and the Captain talks to Nate about his and Blair's relationship, how they broke up, gave him advice to make Blair feel better, blah blah blah. Apparently them dating since Kindergarten doesn't mean shit anymore. So sad. What's even sadder is how Captain Archibald does't even give two fucks for N and B's relationship. All he cares about is sealing the deal with Eleanor Waldorf's company when it finally goes public.   So yeah, Captain Archibald is a fucking phony ass douche bag dick.

At the Palace, Lonely Boy is delivering Serena's phone and the front man thinks he stole it. BAHAHA, that's hilarious! Lucky for Lonely Boy after he made a Cinderella reference, Serena herself came into the scenes and the front man asked S to come over, and Lonely Boy is flipping out because he's convinced she wont remember him from the night before. Lucky for LB Serena actually remembered him for once in his life and the two goes into awkward conversations. They're interrupted by Lily who spotted Serena's invite to the Kiss on the Lips party and she got her a dress. S tells her mother she's not going to the party because she just so happened to make plans. With Lonely Boy. After the most embarrassing moment of Don...I mean Dane's... Darryl? Ugh, whatever! After the moment S and Lonely Boy actually makes plans to go see Lincoln Hawk which is like... what was it? The band most likely to not exist? Or something? Anyways, Lonely Boy's picking S up at eight tonight. Yay.

Blair and Nate meets up at a restaurant to talk about their problems. Nate promises not to see or talk to S ever again as if she doesn't exist anymore. Blair loves this idea and never wants to bring it up while she steals some of N's food. It's not like N doesn't have feelings for S, right?

At Brooklyn, Lily confront Mr. Humphrey that Serena's going to the concert with David. I mean Lonely Boy. Shit, why do I keep messing that up? The two adults get into a fight when it's revealed Lily and Rufus were actually together until Lily dumped him for a Billionaire. Ouch!

Still in Brooklyn, the Humphrey's has a family moment and Rufus talks about how Jenny is looking more and more like her mother every day.

Back in the U.E.S., Eleanor gives her daughter fashion tips and Blair just isn't up for it tonight. I wouldn't be either if I found out my boyfriend was a fucking man whore.

In the limo, our Upper East Sider's shares drinks and cig's laughing and joking and hollering, but it looks like both B and N are not having a good night at all. Aww, poor poor B and N. What will make them happy?

At the Palace, Lonely Boy picks up Serena and he falls in love with her all over again. So sweet.

It's Party Time, Upper East Sider's!

Everyone arrived at Kiss on the Lips and it's time to get down and dirty! Drinks and laughs goes around and Chuck immediately sets his sights on Little Jenny Humphrey. Being the bad little devil he is, Chuck introduces himself to the virgin Princess Lil J.

Gossip Girl: Looks like Lil J might end up with a new boy and a ticket to the Inner Circle. Or will C end up with another victim? I told you I loved parties.

**

Serena and Lonely Boy walks to the concert and S has an awkward encounter by meeting the Dad on the "first date". Ugh, so awk. What's even more awkward is that Mr. Humphrey knew Serena... even more awkward. Makes me want to shudder.

Back at the party, Chuck invites Lil J alone upstairs with a bottle of champagne. Chuck's game turns on as he tries to seduce the Wanna Be Princess and shares a kiss with Lil J. Chuck notices Lil J isn't having it and reevaluates his evil plans. Lil J freaks out and sends out a text message to her brother asking for help. Lonely Boy thinks it's nothing, but when Chuck's name gets thrown around Serena thinks it's pretty serious especially when Chuck's involved and the two heads to the Kiss on the Lips.

The party lives on and everyone spots Serena crashing the party. This doesn't go well with B when she declares S wasn't even invited. At first it looks like N wants to defend Serena, but Blair puts her foot down and tells Nate not to talk to her. Nate is beyond annoyed with Blair but he acts like an obedient puppy and avoids S at all costs. Good work, N. B trained you well.

Up on the roof, Lil J struggles to get Chuck Bass away from her. Will Lonely Boy and S make it in time? Serena knows Chuck well though and she and Lonely Boy finds Chuck's scarf on the steps leading to the roof. An epic battle goes out when LB spots Chuck all over his sister and proceeds to pull him off and punches his face in. Needless to say, Lil J escaped the party without the taint that is Chuck Bass, Chuck was left with a bloody nose and Lonely Boy was left with victory for punching Chuck's face in.

As we end this Pilot episode of Gossip Girl, the Humphrey's live to see another day, Blair lives to plan her next move on her feud with Serena, Chuck hopes to see Serena's face more often since it brings him drama and whatever else it does, and Nate is left with his heart aching for Serena.

And as for Serena Van Der Woodsen you might ask? Why, she's left with the honor of attending school on Monday where she'll have to face Blair, Chuck, Nate and Lonely Boy. Lol that's gonna be a treat, isn't it Reader's?

SPOTTED!

Serena. Making a heroic exit from B's party. Too bad for her there's school on Monday, so until then...

You Know You Love Me.

xoxo

Katrina

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