Katrina's First Recap - PLL 401 - A is for ALIVE

OMG I cannot believe this was my first ever Pretty Little Liar's recap!! What I love about Blogger is that it even copied and pasted my pictures I took for the blog!! I always get a sense of accomplishment and stuff when I do this for you guys. It's really fun, and I'm glad it became a hobby of mine! I hope when you reread this(and the other ones as well) you'll enjoy it just as you had the first time... if you did enjoy it the first time, anyways!! 

We dive into this premiere with a recap from last season. Wilden's car appears out of nowhere in Hanna's garage, the Vice Principal was giving a talk to Aria about Fitz, Emily is bitching out Pigskin, ARIA COMPLETELY GOT DENIED BY EZRA, MAGGIE, MALCOM AND THE NURSE! AHHH HEAVENS GATES ARE OPENING UP!! <3 We see Mona talking about how the "Bitches" aka the Liars are going to get what they deserve. Now, here's the thing. Was Mona talking to Toby? Spencer? An unknown -A?? Who was she talking to?! And then they show us clips of This is A Dark Ride: The Queen of Hearts drugging poor little Aria,  Hanna getting squashed by a Caleb impersonator with an Ali Mask, Spencer as A crying because she was pissed at Toby for making her believe he was dead, Aria says her goodbyes to Ezra(FUCK YEAH GIRLFRIEND! BREAK UP WITH THAT PEDO AND TURN IN YOUR TITLE AS JAILBAIT![NickName courtesy of RecapEverything]), we see Melissa, Jenna and Shana having a B-Team or w/e meeting, Mona tells the Liar they have no idea wtf is going on while either Melissa, Shana or Jenna sets fire to Thornhill Lodge, Red Coat gets out of her plane, Spencer stalks Red, Toby gets knocked out by Shana or Melissa because he saw Jenna with a flashlight(Sorry Emaya fans, it ain't Maya!!)  Mona and Hanna saw Alison but Jailria and Emily denies the fact that Ali is alive, Toby picks up a lighter with an extra direction, the girls drives up to Wildens car which was drowned by Hanna and Aria, the five girls gets a text from A stating they're all hers now, Kisses!! -A! AND NOW WE'RE INTO THE EPISODE!!

The girls are all standing looking freaked out as HELL because they know something horrible is waiting for them in the trunk of Wilden's car. Spencer has the honor to open it and then THEY FIND AN AMAZING, AWESOME, FABULOUS....Dead pig. ROFL! Yeah, I know, we waited what? Three months to find out a fucking dead PIG was in the trunk of Det. Wilden's car. LMFAO!! That's so awesome. What's even more awesome was I knew a pig was in the trunk since like they started posting shit about season 4. I also remember posting it on the Wiki Episode Page, but people were like "Uh, no lol a pig is not in the trunk." *deletes Katrina's spoiler because it's obviously fake* I think the fact that my spoiler was -- well -- you know -- right, I think it proves I have some of the best spoiler resources so please listen to my words? Anyway,  Mona disappears on them and Aria is like "OMGGGG YOU GUIS, LIKE MONA! SHE LIKE SET US UP!!!" This bitch I swear to god! She doesn't give ANYONE the benefit of the doubt EXCEPT EZRA! Forreal, the only person who's innocent and can never do any wrong in her eyes is Ezra! Ugh, I would LOVE to see the look on the bitches face when Ezra is finally revealed as a pedophilia crook! Which probably won't be til the series finale. Or the movie. So anyways, Spencer, Aria, and Emily sees a couple coming in their direction and runs off to their car. Hanna on the other hand notices Mona in the drivers seat of Wildens car. She tells Hanna she's saving Hanna's Mom, and finally takes out the computers hard drive thingy-ma-jigs. Hanna and Mona gets in the car, and Emily drives off to Spencer's.

So, at Spencer's, the girls are peeled to the TV. Or at least three of them are. Aria was looking out the windows to see if the cops were going to come, and Mona was sitting on the seat all like "Lol look at this bitch looking out the window! God, she needs to fucking chillax!" The funniest part about this scene was that Mona kept the most straightest face EVER!(Kudos to Janel for being an amazing actress!) Aria and Emily shoots Mona so many threats, yet the bitch just doesn't care! It's awesome!! "You really were the weakest link, [Emily]. Look how strong I made you!" Emily gets all pissy(It's because she knows Mona's right, duh.) and goes over to Mona ready to throw some punches!! Spencer steps between Em and Mona while Aria...of all people...ARIA...Has something to say "Like umm Em!! We all wanna like punch her so much!! Like hehehe!" Mona jumps from the chair to hide from Emily's incoming punch too! She knows damn well Emily could beat her up, "if she wanted to." The girls soon goes into a game of Third Degree and Hanna's first question to Mona was how the hell did she get the cop car out of the lake?! The answer?: Mona didn't. Someone else was the one to dragged the car out of the lake. Honestly, my bet is the fisherman. You remember the dude who was fishing and just happened to snag Wilden's police hat EVEN THOUGH there was no fucking way the hat could've exited the car? I'm pretty fucking sure Hanna and Aria would've made sure the windows would be closed. At least I'd hope so. Ya'll know how Hanna is, and..well..Do I HAVE to explain Aria? LOL, let's continue onto Mona's confessions, shall we? 

1. Mona put Wilden's car in Hanna's garage and it was the last time she saw it. 

2. Shana and Jenna knew each other before Shana moved in. Both chicks are afraid of Melissa Hastings. 

3. CeCe was the chick in the Red Coat during the final scene of UnmAsked. Mona was fucked up on meds so she was lead to believe CeCe was Ali

4. Mona hired Lucas to give Emily that massage. Idgaf if he was blackmailed. Once on the A-Team, always on the A-Team.

5. Mona recruited Toby when he got the job in Bucks County. Once again, once on the A-Team always on the A-Team, even if it's Toby.

6. Mona didn't push Ian off the tower, and she doesn't even know who did.(My bet's still on Toby.)

Wow 6 answers to questions we've been asking for a LONG time!! It's about damn time we got those answers, especially who gave Emily the massage! The next morning the girls wakes up and Mona is nowhere to be seen. Hanna freaks especially because Mona still has the computers chip with the evidence her mother ran Wilden over with her car. The girls thinks Mona did some bad stuff and drugged the girls so she could escape! Omgggg that's so horrible! Oh my god the horror of it all, the absolute horror! When they get their hands...Oh. Wait. There's Mona now carrying in coffee and breakfast. LOL! These girls are so quick to judge!! Now I give you this HILARIOUS line from Mona.

"Oh Emily, I borrowed your car." *Emily looks to see that her keys are on the counter* "I have my own set."

LMMFAO!! THIS BITCH IS AMAZING!! Seriously after Alison, Mona is my favorite character!! She's so badass at everything she does! She even gives the Liars their favorite coffee drinks, with confidence, and even asks if she got it right! Ahh Mona, you are a true stalker!! Hanna again asks for the chip, and Mona still avoids her. "Multi grain scone!" She hands the bag to Hanna, but Hanna is NOT having it! She wants the chip, and she wants it NOW!! The thing is, Mona just can't hand over the computer chip. It's her leverage to have the Liars help her find out who the fuck Red Coat is. The girls DEMANDS Mona reveals EVERYTHING to them! Mona sighs because she knows she's been defeated. Poor girl. She got demoted to being a Liar, trying her hardest to get the girls to trust her, and now she's taking orders from the girls she tortured for years. The girls make their way back to the crime scene with the police car and the pig. But the girls are confused. Why oh why are there so much press when all there was was a cop car and a pig? Well I have the answer for you: WILDEN IS DEAD!!!! GASSSSSSP! DETECTIVE WILDEN IS DEAD! FOREVER! NEVER COMING BACK! OMG THIS IS INSANE THIS IS...THIS IS...this is... Well. Good. LMFAO! I never liked Wilden, he was such an ASSHOLE! 

Now is it just me, or was there MORE SCENES than usual in the beginning of the episode? Seriously, the opening credits happens A LOT sooner than 6 minutes and 32 seconds. A confession like Mona's is never fucking said til AFTER the opening creds. Marlene wasn't kidding when she said lots were gonna be revealed. How fab! 

Now we see the girls still in the car, freaking THE FUCK OUT! Mona states she knows what the text "You're mine now! Kisses -A!" meant. Basically Alison knows Wilden is dead and she can pin the crime on the Liars and the newly fired from the A-Team Mona. 

I have a really serious question... WHO THE HELL DECIDES WHICH SONGS GETS PUT IN THIS SHOW?! SERIOUSLY, THE SONG WITH THE SCENE WHERE THE FIREMEN ARE LOOKING THROUGH THE RUBBLE OF THORNHILL IS EPIC!! Toby is spying on the firemen at Thornhill and he see's a fireman pick up a burnt up red coat. BURNT?! ALISON COME ON! YOU WERE SPORTING THAT COAT ALL YEAR AND YOU JUST LET IT BURN?! But here's something to ponder... was the red coat that got burnt even hers? I mean, there wasn't any hood to it unless it got burnt off right? Exactly. 

The Liars are in Mona's lair looking up everything they can about Red Coat. Aria asks the most stupidest question like EVER. "If Red Coat's A, why did she save us from the fire?" And Mona, replying in her AMAZING TASTIC STRAIGHT FACE, "So she can set us up and take the fall for Wildens murder." O.M.G.!!! Are you listening to her?! She's so...so...so...BADASSERY!!! 

"A cat plays mouse for hours until she actually eats it. Once it's dead, the fun is over."

Alison is actually outside spying on the girls, but do they take notice? Of course they don't! Aria takes out a mask identicle to the mask Caleb had at the Halloween Train. Manna was SO close to getting their first kiss. LMFAO OMG I LOVE MONA!!! SHE IS AHHHHH!!! Anyway, Aria AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMES that Mona also tried to kill her by shoving her out of the train. Which. Well. She technically did. I mean did you not hear her voice while talking to Toby and Melissa? "Push!" she demanded, "I can't it's stuck!" said Toby, "Shut up!" ordered Melissa. You know how it goes. Mona goes to prove she had nothing to do with the killer box via Aria. She shows the Liars a video of Wilden talking to a second QoHs. Wait. A second...? Which means...? No...it can't be...WILDEN IS THE QUEEN OF HEARTS?! AND THERE'S A SECOND ONE?! WTF!!! Before Melissa can be exposed as the 2nd QoHs(Mona said that Melissa was Darrens accomplice) Mona's computer gets jacked the fuck UP! Her files are gone, and jungle red lips splatters over her laptop screen. Don't you just love Ali's sense of humor? After that, a little girl calls out Alisons name. The girls goes outside to investigate and finds five little girls with five dolls. Let me be the first to tell you guys that I was SHOCKED SHOCKED SHOCKED Bryan Holdman was actually telling the TRUTH! He was like "The mini me's will not be part of a flash back." I was like "LOL WTF EVER BRYAN! I KNOW YOUR LIES!" I guess I don't. Anyway, the mini girls tells Mona that Alison gave them the dolls, and she played with the girls right after Mona moved the lair to the mobile home lot.

This next scene is fucking boring. It's an Emily/Hanna scene with Pam. It's fucking BORING so Im skipping it. The only important shit you need to know is that Jessica DiLaurentis is moving back to Rosewood. Yeah. 

Anyway, Spoby is at Thornhill looking for signs of Red Coat. Spencer is feeling like a daredevil and goes inside the burnt up building, and Tobes immediately notices it. Spencer is gone and Toby is just looking around the place calling "Spencer!!" She comes downstairs and tells them they might as well just look for some clues to RC. Spence totes thinks Ali is alive! Don't we all? Spencer notices someone is spying on them! A is in the lodge too and makes a break for it. Aww poor Spence missed her chance to catch A.

We're back with Emily in front of Jessica's house. She picks up a creepy toy just as Mrs. D walks out and greets her and gives her a big ol' hug. Afterwards Em hands Mrs. D the basket of treats Pam put together for Mrs. D. WE CAN ALL RELAX BTW BECAUSE MRS D CONFIRMED THAT JASON IS DOWN AT GRANDMA D'S RENOVATING HER HOUSE! YAY JASON'S ALIVE AND WELL!! Anyway Jessica tells Em that she thinks it's rude, evil. cruel, and disgusting that people thinks it's polite NOT to talk about Ali! Jessica would rather talk about her DEAD DAUGHTER than to not to. That's kinda twisted if you ask me. I mean, I don't have kids, but if I did and my daughter died, I'd be like "STOP BRINGING IT UP YOU FUCKERS! JUST STFU AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!" But thats just me. Em puts the toy down and carried up a box of Ali's. We see this really interesting poster of Ali's with two blonde girls cut down the middle. One wavy hair, the other straight. TWIN THEORY!!!!! IT'S HAPPENING FOLKS, COURTNEY IS THE ONE DEAD, ALI IS ALIVE!!! LOL you know it's coming, don't lie! Em informs Hanna that Mrs. D is making a shrine of Ali, but Hanna just assumes Ali wants her old room back cause she's well Alive. Emily is STILL feeling fucking deniable! She pisses me off and makes me wanna fall asleep with her "THERES MORE TO THE STORY!!!" She's supposedly best friends with the Liars and she and Aria doesn't even fucking trust Spencer and Hanna come the fuck on! Mona and Hanna seems to be getting a friendship back, but obviously Hanna wants the key to the car. 

UGHHH THE TIME HAS COME MY FELLOW PLL FRIENDS! I KNOW YOU DON'T WANNA READ THIS PART, BUT UGH. It's time for me to bring on my bitchiness. You ready? You sure? Positive? Then let's get to it! Okay first of all why the fuck does she have to wear such UGLY ASS LEGGINGS?! Like, whats the POINT?! Are all the clothes Lucy has to hear some kind of fashion debate the costume planners are trying to bring in, but are FAILING MISERABLY?! Seriously everything she wears is UGLY UGLY UGLY!! Back to the show, Ezra said something, Aria said something...Ezra said something else. Aria...said..something? The only thing I remember right now is "Goodbye, Mr. Fitz." YEP! YOU GOT DISSED EZRA!! YOUR OWN LITTLE GIRL EX CALLED YOUR ASS BY YOUR LAST TIME! Jakaria, Jakaria where for art though Jakaria? Jailbaitia leaves leaving Pedza crying his eyes out...well he didn't realllly cry, but if you look REALLY REALLY close you could see Ezra shed a tear. I swear it's there!  Ykw I'll just help you see it.(Warning I aint the best artist)

Oh Spoby. Classic Spoby. I love these two together! They're a perfect example of Nancy Drew/Frank Hardy. Spencer is looking up Wildens crime scene or w/e and Toby's making sure Spencer eats. Aww how sweet!! I love how loving and caring Toby is! :D Spencer continues to try to find what Alison has on the girls when Toby's phone goes off. "Bet you miss her every day! Kisses!! -A" Alison was nice enough to attach a photo so we knew who Alison was talking about. Marion Cavanaugh, Tobes' mama. Spencer could tell something was bothering Toby, but he LIED to his girlfriend saying he got a lead on a new job. WHAT!? OH COME ON TOBY! SPENCER HAS BEEN HARASSED BY A SINCE LIKE 2010!! YOU CAN TELL HER ABOUT -A DA FUQ BOY! Spoby shares a hug and Toby's looking so sad about the text :( 

At school, Aria is being really really creepily obsessive. I'm being forreal, even if you are an Aria/Ezra/Ezria shipper if you watch this scene, you can totes tell she's being obsessive! She's talking about his words, his ears, his toes... UGH THIS IS SO ANNOYING!! Forreal, when I was about to write their very first scene together in the episode, I decided to stop typing this and take a nap. This is so frustrating!!! FUCK YOU ARIA! FUCK YOU EZRA!! I HATE YOU BOTH!!! Fucking pedo PANZYS!!!! After Em tells Aria the definition of something Aria has never ever heard of, a double date, VP Hackett...Hacker...Heckert? Idk. He saw Aria looking at Ezra. O EM GEE IS ARIA FINALLY IN TROUBLE(No), WILL KATRINA FINALLY BE GETTING WHAT SHE'S WANTED SINCE PILOT?!(No), IS EZRA GOING TO GET KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL AND BREAK UP WITH JAILBATIA!?(An Ezria hater can dream). Aria raises a book and pretends she's talking to Emily about some book they were reading in English. Thackett walks up behind Aria and Emily and then walks off towards the doors leading inside. He still looks at Aria with those devilish eyes. "Is he still looking this way?" Em takes a peek, "Yep." Tuesday night, when I watched this, I was like "YES YES YES IS SHE FINALLY GONNA GET CAUGHT?!" Cause I knew the Ezra goes to Jail scene is gonna come up thanks to theirs truly MuchMusic. 

In the school hallways, Hanna is wearing a sock on her head. I think she went out and bought one of those leg socks people wears that goes up to their kneecaps and shit. Her shirt's cute though, but I wish it was in pink. Or purple. Or black. Now that this is my 4th time watching the premiere, the sock really makes you actually see the wig Ashley is wearing. The sock looks like it's lifting the wig up a lot. But the earrings are fab! And the purse is cute. As for whoever picked out Mona's outfit for Janel... the grey shirt looks like it belongs in 1886 or something. And Janel, if you somehow were to come across this recap, I apologize for whoever made you wear that ugly ass necklace. It looks like someone like Aria took pennies(the ones that the crank machine stretches or wtfe) and painted over them and somehow got a metal necklace attached around them. So ugly. Then we get a special announcement! "Aria Montgomery, please report to jail! Aria Montgomery, please report to jail for your jailbait sentence!" Bahahaha I crack myself up! Nah, she was called to VP Hacker's office. Which means if you watched MuchMusic's promo before the premiere... YAY EZRA IS TOTES GOING TO JAIL!!! FORREAL I WAS SCREAMING WITH JOY WHEN THIS HAPPENED!!!! Aria shows up at VP Slacker's office and we get one of those "Time goes by so slow" scenes. You know the ones where the main character's in school and she or he's waiting for school to end? Well this was one of those scenes.  Aria fidgets with her fingers, the clock zooms in three times, and VP Thracker opens his office door and lets Aria in. He doesn't say anything, Aria doesn't say anything, and she goes to enter the office...WHICH I SWEAR IS THE SAME SET AS HOLLIS'S OFFICE! SERIOUSLY IT LOOKS THE SAME SO IF YOU TELL ME IT'S NOT HOLLIS' SET, I WON'T BELIEVE! It looks toooootally like it!!! Anyway, Aria shuts the door and sits down on the chair. 

"I gave you a chance to be honest with me. And you chose to lie."

Arias smile fades into an odd and confused disgruntled look. "I'm not sure what you mean..." She says, smile back on her face. 

"I know you've been sleeping with your teacher."

CUE DRAMATIC ZOOM IN AND ARIA'S FREAKED THE FUCK OUT LOOK FACE! YOU GOING DOWN HONEY-KINZ! VP Knockers takes out photos sent by an anonymous concerned student(Totes Mona) and lays them on the desk for Aria to see. The poor little girl looks through them all while VP Thraker tells her he's called Ella and Byron to come down to the school. Flaker even got a call from the Cops!!! They put Ezra in custody and now he's off to JAIL for being a pedophile!!!! YAY!!!! BYE BYE EZRA, HOPE PRISON FOOD DON'T MAKE YOU FAT!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Forreal when I was watching this scene, I was SCREAMING FOR JOY!!! This was a total EPIC SCENE for me and my fellow Anti-Ezria shippers! I felt like we all joined in a circle and sang a chorus to to the Angels in the Sky. 

"Fah who for-aze!

Dah who dor-aze!

Take Down Ezria,

They are DONE!" 

I was in BLISS! Total fuckin' BLISS!! In my mind Ezria was DONE, Aria rushed down the hallway and witnessed her ex in cuffs, being lead out by Officer Yakowza. Ezra was in jail, Aria was being expelled, I had the best 5.5 seconds of my PLLdom. Then the inevitable happened. It was all...a fucking...DAYDREAM! VP Oliver came out of his office holding a damn manilla envelope full of papers for Ella. WHAT DA FUQ!!! Seriously, EZRA CANNOT GO TO JAIL FOR AT LEAST THE REMAINDER OF 4A?! THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! BULLLLLSHIT! MORE BULLSHIT THAN DARREN AND MELISSA BEING THE QUEENS OF HEARTS! ARGGGGGGH!!!!!!! But some good came out this scene. Aria sent Ezra a text telling him she wants to see other people. Yay. I'm good with that, at least. It's a start Anti-Ezria shippers! Maybe we'll get our wishes! <3 BTW, Aria should've kept her old red phone. It was better. The one she has now looks like it's from 1960 or something. 

Then for some reason they wanted to throw in the most random and unnessesary Paily scene. What the fuck? Where the fuck did Paige even come from!? Guys, I'm watching this from my iTunes account so excluding commercials, we're 27 minutes into this episode and they decide to throw the bitchskin in NOW?! WHAT?! Come the fuck on!! The only reason this whole scene exists is because Marlene and Bryan and Joseph were confused and blind on what to do with Emilies character. So they decided to use Paige as a last resort just so Emily can have more scenes. And this scene is so fucking irrelevant. It's about college and Paige is trynna force Emily to go to fucking California with her. She wants to stuff Emily's face with diners and doughnuts. UGH! Dear Paige, please go put yourself in the dangerous line of -A fire? K? Thxbye! Don't mind me, readers, as I take a short nap during this dumb scene. Oh wait btw, I think Paige is wearing the same necklace Mona wore except Paige's isn't painted by Aria. Also Emily said yes to the bitches offer. UGH! EM YOU ARE SO DUMB!!! 

Hanna and Mona comes back from the shopping trip, and Mona asks if she could put the bags in Hanna'a room, but Hanna declines and offers Mona a diet soda. She goes on to ask about Caleb who is supposedly at his aunties cabin with no cell service, but we all know he was on the lot set next to PLLs for Ravenswood filming episode 1x04 or something. Mona bought that ugly top for herself. Ew. Just ew. Mona tells Hanna she should get going, Hanna tries to force her to stay by telling her she had fun, but Mona being the badass she is sees right through Hanna. Duh. She's been lying her ass off for two years, I mean come on! Hanna cant get shit past Mona. Mona knows Hanna's been pretending to be her friend(Duh) so she decides to give the chip to Hanna. You know the chip thing she took from Wildens car? Yeah, that's the one!! "That's the only copy. If I were you, I'd burn it."  Now I'd like to bring something else to everyones attention! If you were in the chatroom with me a couple nights ago, I explained to you that during TV shows, the actors cannot eat or drink a beverage unless it fits the story line. This is a PERFECT example! Hanna poured two glasses of Diet You-Cant-Use-Sprite-Due-To-Copywrite in two glasses. Mona took one sip, Hanna none. BAM! Example proven! Did anyone else notice that besides me? "I really loved you once, and you really were my friend." Aww that's so sweet! Mona really was Hanna's friend after all. So I'm assuming once she knew Aria was back from Finland or Scotland or wherever the fuck she was at, Mona was like "They're all gonna get together and Im going to lose Hanna. A must be born!!" So Mona leaves Hanna's in order to give us our next scene with Emily and Paige saying goodbye. 

At first on Tuesday night, I thought the producers made a horrible editing error since the screen was all blurry. Emily and Piggyskin kisses their goodbyes and after Paige drives off, "You two make a cute couple!" JENNA IS GOING BACK TO BEING BLIND! IMHAHO(In my honest and humble opinion), Jenna is totes better being blind. She's more sneaky that way. Emily dishes out a kinda funny line "Did you slither on down here to comment on my love life?" And Jenna reveals she and Darren Wilden were besties. They were besties?? A high school senior and a detective were besties? Well, I guess it can happen. I mean Darren did spend some time with Ali and CeCe down in Cape May, right? Jenna wants Em to give Toby a message if anything were to happen to her. Okay, honestly, 

A. Toby is A so he don't give a fuck about Jenna

B. Jenna is delusional to even think Toby will care about her Swan Song

C. Did I mention Jenna's going back to being TOTES BLIND?! AHHH BLISS!(That's not meant for hate, I swear!)

"It seems that everyone who saw Ali the night she went missing is ending up dead." No shit, Jenna. Please go back to blind Jenna soon because I really wanna see Badass Jenna Marshall. Garrett told Jenna that Darren was present the night Ali went missing!! Damn, was ALL OF ROSEWOOD present the night Ali dissapeared?! Ali, Aria, Hanna, Spencer, Emily, Jenna, Jason, Garrett, Melissa, CeCe, Byron, my FUCKING GOD! I bet Olivia and Luke from Ravenswood was even present the night Ali went missing!! Ahhh! Jenna's hand is burnt(SHE SET THE FIRE!!!) and Jenna declares she never meant to hurt Toby. NEVER!! She didn't know who believed or not, she never ever meant to hurt her step brother. YEAH SURE JENNA WHATEVER YOU BITCH WITH ZITS! GO BACK TO BEING BLIND SO YOU CAN BE INTERESTING AGAIN! Damn.(BTW congrats Tammin for the pregnancy!!) Jenna walks away with Emily looking disbelieving...well I sure hope she'd look like that. Shit. 

THIS NEXT SCENE IS FUCKING CREEPY AS SHIT! I KID YOU NOT, IF YOU'RE READING THIS AND HAVE NOT SEEN THE PREMIERE IT WAS SPOOKY! Spencer was reading a college book, and she noticed Ali's bedroom light turned on. She put her bookmark in the book and went over to investigate. That's when she saw ALI'S CREEPY MOTHER STARING RIGHT FUCKING AT HER! Why the FUCK did Jessica return to Rosewood?! She was so nice to fuckin Emily, but with Spencer Jessica gave her the GLARE OF DEATH!! It was like "I KNOW YOU'RE A SPENCER SO YOU HELPED GET RID OF MY ALI-BEAR!!!" Then she immediately gets a new message from Alison. LOL Seriously she just happens to get an -A message right after Jessica leaves the window? Could Jessica be -A?? LOL!!! 

"Closed caskets keeps secrets. 

His is open, and exposes yours!

Kisses Bitches! -A"

A is such a badass. I didn't notice this before, but I feel like I should've at least took notice to Bitches in plural form. So I should have figured out that the message was sent to her and someone else. Too bad I didn't notice it til it was too late. We are now at the morning of Wilden's funeral. All the cops are there to support their loss of a brother. A friend. A mate. A FUCKING PSYCHOTIC STALKER WHO KNEW NOTHING ABOUT POLICE WORK!!! Seriously, even I didn't like Wilden. He was a creep, he was unprofessional, and he was a pedophile like his buddy Ezra. I'm actually glad Sean Farris took over as the main cop in the series. He's totally hot, and unlike Bryce, I've actually seen some movies Sean has been in(The Brotherhood and the reboot for Yours, Mine, and Ours). Another thing I noticed... Darren didn't at all deserve to have the American Flag on his coffin. I get he was a cop, I get he served the community if you include stalking four high school girls for two years serving the community, but seriously the flag was totally unnessesary. Now that I'm on the subject of cops, THIS HAS BEEN THE ONLY EPISODE WHERE WE'VE SEEN THE MOST COPS IN PLL'S HISTORY OF HISTORIES!! THERE WERE COPS EVERYWHERE BUT WHERE WERE THEY BEFORE THIS EPISODE!?!?! The Liars are walking to the church, and we get to see what they're wearing.(Refer to picture) Honestly, with the exception of Hanna's see through dress, their dresses were actually decent. Even Aria's dress was decent so I was pretty surprised by this. Hanna asks if A seriously put something in the coffin of Wilden, with his rotting and stinkay corpses. Spencer goes to explain how they embalmed the body to ensure there wasn't any rotting or stinkay odars, but Hanna being Hanna did not understand it at all. Shocker. LMFAO!! This is when we're introduced to a totes new mystery character. The Pretty Little Liars Wikia Infamous The Lady In Black AKA The Veiled Griever. Who the fuck is this mystery person?? Is it Ali? Melissa? A new character?  Ezra? Ashley Marin?? The Lady in Black  makes her way up the stairs and enters the church and the Liars goes back to discussing whatever the fuck they were discussing. OH YEAH ALISONS MESSAGE! Duh. 

So now the girls are on the search for the casket because there's something incriminating in it. They enter the church and are now on the lookout for Wilden's casket. Aria for some reason thinks she can approach Ezra for a conversation...Yeah fucking right. Plus Vice Principal Gowski and Maggie were right there. Good luck getting a conversation in, Jailbait. Spencer manages to dodge two cops and finds Wilden's casket in a room and also to find...MONA!!! Mona had gotten the same message Spencer got from Alison. Spencer and Mona makes smalltalk when all the sudden a cell phone began to ring. It wasn't Spencers or Mona's so who's phone was it?? Mona and Spencer opens up Darren's casket, and Spencer has the guts to touch the dead body(You go gurl!!) and manages to find a cell phone. There were two blocked calls from it(Assuming it was A to make sure Mona and Spencer finds the device,) and another contact call from Kisses. Kisses?? Who was this contact titled Kisses?? Spencer decides to call it and holds the phone up to her ear. And who was on the other end of the line? Why, it was Miss Hanna Marin! Turns out the phone belongs to her Mama Ashley!! WHA?! WHAT WAS AHSLEYS PHONE DOING WITH A DEAD DUDE IN HIS COFFIN?? AHHH! 

The girls are now discussing Ashleys phone in the coffin. "If anything happens to my Mom..." Hanna says. "Are you sure it's your moms?" Asks Spencer. Hanna talked to her mom earlier today from the hotel room. Now here's another thing to lay to rest that Ashley is NOT the Lady in Black. If she was the Lady, and Hanna didnt talk to her from the hotel room, wouldn't Hanna notice that the area code WASN'T from New York?! Seriously, Hanna can't be THAT stupid, right? .... Right? .... Oh dear. Mrs. D turns up and compliments the Liars lovely looks(she totally ignored Mona) and she even comments on how Ali woulda been proud Hanna kept all the weight off. Like Mother like Daughter right? It's no secret Ali is a hardcore BITCH, and now we're beginning to see the true Jessica DiLaurentis. She's totally a BITCH!!! I LOVE IT!! LOL!! The next part made me feel really bad for Mona. She was totally denied a seat with the Pretty Little Liars and was sent to sit alone. Jenna, a BLIND Jenna, I hope, and her new boytoy Nigel entered the church and sat behind Mona. Suddenly our new Mystery Rosewood Res showed up and sat right behind Nenna(Nigel/Jenna ship!!). "Who IS that?!" Spencer whispered to Hanna. The service for Darren started and we're cut off with a scene with Tobes.

Toby had received a message from A about his past. He had a friendship with Alison before she died, and she was in his room playing with collectibles. They talk, almost KISS, and then all a sudden Marion, Tobys mom wakes up at 4PM. Toby is immediately worried because he suspects Marion has cancer or something, but Ali thinks it's the case of Laziness! Toby gets PISSED OFF and orders Alison to leave. Rolling her eyes, Ali calls Tobes a loser and leaves. Seriously, I think Ali coulda been at least a bit understanding. I mean, his mother is dying of cancer and Ali is too proud of herself to think Marions sick. Bitch. I still love Ali though. Back in the present, Tobys crying and he drives the lair to some unknown location. He gets out of the lair for Alison and leaves the area of the crime...well not a crime really but I admit Toby coulda said SOMETHING to Spencer! Or even Mona! I mean they're all on the same team now. 

Back at the church THE MOST AMAZING SONG STARTS TO PLAY!!! I totes got hooked to it and HAD to download it to my iTouch! It's called Devils Within by Digital Daggers. I'M HOOKED!!! Ahhh!!! Anyway the Lady in Black enters her Limo and the PLLs watches her. THEN THE MOST AMAZING SEXIEST COP ON PLL HISTORY SHOWS UP!!! DETECTIVE HOLBROOK AKA SEAN FARRIS AKA SEXY COP ON PLL!!! AHHHH!!! He talks to the girls about why they're at Wildens funeral, and Em tells him they're supporting their police department. Sure. Lie to the poor dude right when you meet his ass, Em. Officer Sexylicious tells the girls he went over all of Wildens notes and states Wildens professionalism is a failiure. "We're probably gonna have to bring you in for questioning, but remember: We're the good guys. We just want to find out the truth." I TOTALLY LOVE OFFICER HOLBROOK!!! HE'S SO HOT, HE'S SUCH A SWOON AHHHH!!!! THANK YOU PLL GODS FOR HAVING SEAN FARIS GRACE OUR TV SCREENS FOR PRETTY LITTLE LIARS SEASON 4!!!! YAY!!!! Suddenly the girls+Mona gets a text from A!!

"Truth wont set you free, Bitches. I'm going to bury you with it. Kisses! A"

A even had the honor of showing them SHE HAD THE LIARS ON VIDEO!!! SHE WAS THEIRS AND ALISON AND OR THE LADY IN BLACK COULD EXPOSE THEIR ASSES HARDCORE RIGHT THERE, RIGHT NOW OR AT ANY FUCKING POINT!!! THE FACT THAT THIS BITCH HAS A NEW SIGNATURE MAKES ME FEEL THIS WILL BE THE MOST AMAZING A TO GRACE OUR TV SCREENS!!!! I'M READY FOR THIS!!! 

As we enter our last scene for the episode, Devils Within is playing hard fucking core for this episode and the Lady in Black reveals she was wearing an Ali mask! And not just any Ali mask...a BURNT UP ALI MASK!!! WAS THIS BITCH AT THE SCENE OF THE FIRE?! IS THIS RED COAT?! DID HER MASK GET BURNT TO A CRISP WHEN SHE WAS PULLING THE PLLS AND MONA OUT OF THE FIRE?! AHHH THE QUESTIONS!! WE NEED ANSWERS YOU GUYS AND WE NEED THEM ASAP!!! THIS IS KATRINA AKA AIS4ALISONNOTAMATEUR RedCoatKatrina SIGNING THE FUCK OUT!!!